My BFF Beyonce

Did you know that Beyonce and I have something in common? I mean something other than an amazing body, phenomenal singing voice, and an eye for great looks. Both of us nurse our babies in public!


Me and Bey*

Yes, that's right: Ms. Beyonce was spotted nursing Blue Ivy while having brunch at a New York City restaurant on Saturday! This sighting confirms the rumors that Bey is breastfeeding. No one took a photo of the actual act (thank goodness), but it's surprising in a good way that someone as private as Beyonce nurses in public. She didn't confirm her marriage to Jay-Z for seven months after it happened!

I imagine a few people reading this are thinking, "Okay, so what? Another celebrity mom breastfeeding." There's a little bit more to it than just that. You see, the number of African American mothers that breastfeed is significantly lower than other races. A 2010 CDC phone survey showed that 54.4% of African American mothers attempted to breastfeed, compared to 74.3% of white mothers, and 80.4% of Hispanic mothers (source).

Why such a disparity? We could speculate all day about the reasons why it is so low. I imagine that not having adequate support during those first few days plays a role in it. California hospitals reported breastfeeding initiation rates for African American women to be about 78%, and the exclusive breastfeeding rate for was 40%. WHO Baby Friendly hospitals in CA report their exclusive breastfeeding rate for African American women to be 60% (source)!

African American women also go back to work sooner than Caucasian women, and may work in places that do not support breastfeeding (source). The Break Time for Nursing Mothers Act under the FLSA was signed into law less than 2 years ago. It may be too soon to see if this has made a difference in overall breastfeeding rates. As a working pumping mom, I can say that having an employer that supports your decision to breastfeed makes a huge difference. Sadly there is no real enforcement of this law, and until there is we will probably hear more stories like Donnicia Venters'.

My first time nursing E in a restaurant was during an off peak time for a very late lunch. I could never imagine my first time being during a busy Saturday brunch! Way to go Beyonce! Covered, uncovered, somewhere in between... who cares? You may have just given confidence to a mom who was unsure about breastfeeding her baby in public. Keep nursing your baby girl, paparazzi be damned. Oh, and call me - I still need to see the baby!

Image: EntertainmentWise; Photoshop: Glitter&Vodka

How to Shop a Consignment Sale

Spring is approaching. It means time for new clothes for E. He is growing so quickly that he seems to outgrow things every few weeks. One way we try to save a few bucks is by going to consignment sales to pick up some gently used basics.

They are a great way save money on clothing, shoes, and toys for kids, and typically have a wide selection of options for less than retail price. Because of the abundance of items at consignment sales, they can overwhelm even the most seasoned shopper. Here are my 10 tips on how to shop a consignment sale.

Racks on racks on racks

The Accidental Hippies

My initial foray into all things crunchy happened while I was pregnant. I chose to switch providers (to a group that would be more supportive of a natural unmedicated birth), hired an incredible doula, started seeing a chiropractor for those pregnancy aches (hello sciatica!), and took prenatal yoga classes at a local birth center. Having like-minded mom friends only reinforced my decisions.

It turns out that my upbringing may have been playing more of a role than I realized. My parents employed a great deal of practices that are considered "granola" in the way they raised my sister and I. My sister and I were brought up with cosleeping, elimination communication, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and homeopathy being a part of our lives. You see, my parents were accidental hippies.

A couple of hippie kids

I was breastfed for until I was six months old and my sister until she was a year. While that's not very extreme, it was quite a feat for her because she wasn't getting a lot of support from others. Maybe it was her experience that caused my mom to be one of my biggest breastfeeding cheerleaders, especially during those first difficult weeks. She even came with me to the nurse in at Target that happened in December!

In most of South Asia, cosleeping is quite common. Most homes have a large family bed, in which the parents and most children sleep in. Growing up, my family was no different. My parents brought a smaller twin size mattress and placed it next to their bed for me to sleep on. I think we slept that way until I was 8. Waking up on weekends was the best, because we'd be able to lounge in bed to our hearts content.
E sleeps with us now, at 14 months. He starts off in his crib and wakes up at some point in the middle of the night. Rather than spend precious sleeping time trying to get him back to sleep, he comes to sleep with us. He typically sleeps through until we wake up. I realize this arrangement seems kind of crazy to some, but it works for us. We get a decent night's sleep before work and I enjoy those extra snuggles. My favorite part has to be waking up together on weekends and being silly in bed together.

Homeopathic medicine was quite normal for my family. If we had a sore throat, we would be given Rhus Tox. Pulsatilla was given to us for menstrual cramps as teens. Nux Vomica was for headaches. I still remember when my sister was like 4 or 5, she ate half a bottle of some homeopathic medicine she found. She got into so much trouble :) We have taken a more holistic approach to E's maintaining E's health. Aside from feeding him healthy food, E is given Hyland's teething tablets or some Camilia for teething issues. He also wears an amber teething necklace, but I'm honestly not sure how effective it is.

E is not cloth diapered, nor do we do EC. This is mainly because I knew I would be heading back to work and most day care facilities are not okay with cloth diapers. Sadly, the same goes with EC - we both work and wouldn't be able to pick up on cues for EC. I think if I were a SAHM (or D was a SAHD), E would be wearing some cute fluff and probably potty trained by now. My parents used EC with me and swear that I was potty trained by six months. I wonder how much of that is hyperbole and how much of it is truth. Either way, it would've been kind of cool to have potty training taken care of by one year of age.

How much of your parenting style is influenced by the way you were brought up?

Leaving My Nursling

This week's Breastfeeding Blog Hop topic is First Time Jitters: Leaving your Baby in the Care of Someone Else.

The first time I left E was right before New Years. D had bought me the amazing Christmas gift of a massage, which was much appreciated. E was left in the care of D and my mother. I had no doubt that he would be fine for the 60ish minutes I would be gone. I think I even relaxed a little bit.

Going back to work was another story. I remember that morning vividly, because I cried a lot. My maternity leave had ended and I was back to work on a Monday (ladies, if you can start work in the middle of the week, do it. Those first 5 days back were brutal). We were lucky enough to have E stay with a friend of mine, who was a SAHM with a two year old daughter. She and her husband had been thinking of expanding their family and watching E would be a perfect way to remind themselves of life with a baby. They lived a few minutes from my job. It was perfect.

E fell asleep in the car on the drive over and I had to make numerous trips to and from the car to bring over all of his stuff: diapers, blankets, change of clothes, a few toys, bottles, the works. I dropped him off, kissed his tiny face, breathed in one last breath of his special baby smell, and left for work. I cried pretty hard before I pulled out of the parking spot.

Luckily, the first day back at work consisted of wading through 12 weeks of email and a steady stream of visitors stopping by to say hello. E decided to make his appearance 3.5 weeks early, so I never really got to tie up loose ends at work or say goodbye. All I could think about the whole day was E. That was only natural, I was constantly talking about him and showing pictures and videos of him on my phone. I was so happy to leave work and pick him up.

My first days back at work have helped me come up with a few tips that may help new moms about to rejoin the working world after a maternity leave.

• Bring lots of pictures. It helped that people kept asking about him in the weeks after my return to work, so I was constantly emailing myself at work with pictures. Makes for a great screensaver too. You may even ask your care provider to send you pictures of your baby during the day if they are able to. It helps make the day go by a bit faster if you can see your sweet one in "real time".
• Drop baby's things off ahead of time if possible. I made multiple trips to and from the car bringing all of E's things. If your baby is staying in a home setting (daycare or otherwise), see about dropping some of their things off early. Hauling a case of diapers up a flight of stairs in heels isn't fun.
• Make sure your care provider is familiar with breastmilk handling. My friend wasn't familiar with how to handle breastmilk so I emailed her some information ahead of time. I also provided her with a magnet going over frozen, refrigerated, and fresh breastmilk. I got the magnet at a local hospital's breastfeeding resource center, but Kellymom.com has a great quick reference card that can be printed.
• Build up a stash. I started pumping to build a stash a few weeks before heading back to work. I pumped once or twice a day, usually first thing in the morning and/or last thing at night. I would make sure D would be home to watch the baby. Don't be disappointed if you only get a few ounces. Anything in the freezer is good, you never know when that extra ounce will come in handy.
• Go over any specific feeding instructions. My biggest fear with E taking a bottle on a regular basis was that he would get lazy. Since the milk flows easier from a bottle than the breast, I was afraid that he would get frustrated when drinking from the tap and I'd have to pump full time.
  Thankfully, my good friend A shared a great article from Nurtured Child on bottle feeding a breastfed baby and I passed it on to my friend/sitter. A had also sent me a PDF of ways for a bottle to be held so baby would have to work at getting the milk, like they would on the breast. Of course this didn't mimic it perfectly, nor did it account for letdown, but it was very effective. I am thankful that E didn't have any nipple confusion while switching from breast to bottle and back again. I couldn't find the exact file that A sent me, but Best For Babes has an informative article with pictures.
• Provide extra milk if possible. I had started pumping to establish a supply a few weeks before starting back at work. I was able to give our provider about 20 ounces of frozen milk as backup. Since I worked close to where she lived, I also told her I could run freshly pumped stuff down to her if she ran out of frozen milk. I had also given her a can of formula we received as a freebie from somewhere as backup to the backup's backup. I was that prepared. We never went into the formula, but the frozen stash was definitely used.
• Enjoy every minute you can while you're together. All those random afternoon naps where we'd fall asleep while watching "Ellen", wearing him around the house while I made lunch and folded laundry, propping him up on my legs while he moved his arms all over the place... man, I miss those times. Love on that baby just a little bit more :)

It gets easier. Leaving him in the morning isn't nearly as bad as it was those first few weeks. We've fallen into a rhythm that works for us. He waves bye as we leave and is thrilled to see us when we get home from work. Unfortunately, I never stop missing my baby. There are some days where I want to call in sick and stay home with him. Every now and again, I do. What's the fun in having sick time if you can't use it to be "sick"?

If you're heading back to work soon, check out my tips.

PumpEase Review and Giveaway

After E was born, I had to pump using a hospital grade pump in addition to nursing him so we could get his weight up (that's the really short version of things - here's the long version ). I had no idea that hands free bras even existed. For the few weeks after his birth, I would hold the flanges of the breast pump to me for 20-30 minutes at a time. It wasn't very effective - I would lose suction, my hands would hurt, and I would even dribble milk. D rigged a hands free bra for me using an old sports bra, but it wasn't comfortable.

A friend told me about getting a PumpEase hands free pumping bra. I bought one immediately (in Snow Leopard, naturally) and couldn't wait for it to arrive. I got it just in time to use for a few weeks before going back to work, where I would be pumping at least 3 times a day. Disrobing from the waist up just wasn't an option.

I couldn't get over just how much easier pumping got once I started using the hands free bra. I was able to do things while I pumped. I'm able to read a book, eat a snack, type on a computer/laptop/phone, or scratch my nose. In fact, what you're reading right now was written while I was pumping! Having both hands free lets me to relax, which helps with my let down. It also allows me to compress while I pump. I can ensure that my breasts empty fully and hopefully avoid plugged ducts and mastitis.

My favorite thing about PumpEase is how simple it is to put on. Just wrap it around you, over your nursing bra.

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Attach the hooks in front.

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There are three sets of hooks that allow for fluctuation in breast size.

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The six hook and loop closures keep your pump flanges stay in place.

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The flanges are slipped through slits on the front. The fabric is strong enough to support bottles filled with 5 ounces of milk.

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Just put it on and pump!

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PumpEase is also very durable. I have been using mine every day for about a year and it is in like new condition. It's made out of a polyester/spandex blend, but still feels soft on skin. I have spilled some milk on it and it dried quickly. You know how you get a pair of white socks and they look dingy by the second or third wash? That hasn't happened with my PumpEase. It barely looks used and I don't treat it very gently. The stretch is just as good as the day I got it. I would, however, recommend washing it by itself since the hooks can (and do) get caught on things like sweaters. Every time I pull it out of the wash, it gets stuck to something.

Pros: PumpEase has allowed me to pump efficiently at work, at home, while traveling, even while getting my hair done. I highly recommend it for a mom who plans on pumping frequently. I can't imagine nursing and pumping for as long as I have without one. It is worth every penny.

Cons: One tiny con, which is more me than the PumpEase: do not wash with sweaters or anything that the hooks can get caught on.

PumpEase is available in a variety of patterns and even in an Organic option. Prices range from $38-$42. Visit PumpEase to purchase.

Now comes the fun part. Wendy at Snugabell has graciously provided a PumpEase to one lucky Lactivist in Louboutins reader! The winner gets to choose from PumpEase Classic or PumpEase Organic. This giveaway is open to residents worldwide! Thank you Wendy!

The giveaway ends at 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, February 21, 2012. Winner will be announced here and chosen through the Rafflecopter tool below.

There are up 5 ways to enter! The only mandatory entry is to leave a comment on this blog post and be sure to use the Rafflecopter tool below to mark it as done. Once it has been marked as done in Rafflecopter, you can unlock up to 4 additional optional entries. Mandatory entry must be completed in order to be eligible for the drawing.

GIVEAWAY HAS ENDED
Congratulations, Kami A!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Full disclosure: I was not provided with a PumpEase to review. The review is on my own PumpEase Classic in Snow Leopard, which was purchased in 2010.

Breastfeeding by the Numbers

A breakdown of our nursing relationship. Some of these numbers are approximations generated from careful mathematical equations and formulas.

14: number of ounces E lost in the first few days of life
65: number of ounces of donated milk we used
0: ounces of formula E has had
3: number of times I wanted to quit breastfeeding in the first month
3: number of lactation consultants we saw
2: number of times we battled thrush in the first month of life
4: E's age (in weeks) when we first nursed in public

1: number of nursing covers owned
4: E's (in months) when I first NIP without a cover
0: number of nursing covers used (occasionally)
3: number of times pumped during a 9 hour work day when E was exclusively breastfed
1: number of times pumped during a 24 hour day (currently)
3: number of pump parts and bottles purchased
2: number of hands free bras owned
450: number of times in nearly 1 year of working away from home that I went into my pumping "room" (glorified closet) and made my baby's breakfast and lunch
2: number of times I have been walked in on

6: number of pictures of me nursing floating around the internet
6: number of nursing bras owned
5: number of nursing tops owned
0: number of nursing tops used (currently)
3: number of plane trips (roundtrip) E has taken
4: number of states nursed in
1: number of countries nursed in
6: number of months I wanted to breastfeed (original goal)
6.5: E's age (in months) when solids were first introduced
4: number of teeth that have come in
12: number of months I wanted to breastfeed (modified goal)
0: number of ear infections E has had
500: number of ounces of milk donated

Number of months nursing: 14 and counting

Fired for Breastfeeding??

One of the hardest things I had to do after having E was go back to work. Leaving a baby at 12 weeks or less is not easy, especially when you are breastfeeding. Pumps, schedules, arrangements... it's all quite stressful. Imagine talking to your supervisor on the phone to let them know of your intent to pump and being fired because you want to pump your breastmilk for your baby. And then imagine a judge siding with your (now) ex-employer because they believe that “lactation is not a pregnancy, childbirth, or a related medical condition.”

Sadly, this is exactly what happened to Texas mom Donnicia Venters. While out of the office after having a baby, she spoke to her boss. She asked to use a back room to pump in and was told that the company had filled her spot while she was gone. She took her employer to court where a judge ruled that the employer did not violate a section of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 because "lactation is not a pregnancy, childbirth, or a related medical condition". ABC News has the full article.

I'm not even going to discuss the simple biology that disproves the judge's statement. Really, Your Honor? Not related to pregnancy or childbirth?! I'm wonder if Ms. Venters will pursue legal action against her ex-employer for violating FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) by replacing her while she was caring for her newborn child. This is, of course, if she qualified for FMLA.

While the amendment to the FLSA (Fair Labor Standards Act) has allowed many non-exempt employees like me to have protection against such things, there are many other moms who are salaried and therefore not covered. A great example are teachers. Yup. Teachers. They're not protected under FLSA amendment because they're salaried. It's crazy to me that the women who are shaping minds in school are not protected by law to provide breastmilk as food for their babies. What's even crazier is two separate courts have ruled that breastfeeding discrimination is not gender discrimination. Yeah. My sentiments exactly.

The Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2011 was introduced in both houses of Congress last year. Passing this act would mean federal protection would extend to those employees that are exempt, including teachers. Please write your local representatives and urge them to sign it. The US Breastfeeding Committee has made it really easy. Enter your zip code to use their letter and automatically email your local representatives.

This entire situation is wrong on many levels: breastfeeding discrimination not being gender discrimination, being fired for wanting to breastfeed, the judge's lack of basic biology knowledge. Most importantly: no mother should have to choose between her job and breastfeeding her baby.

Do Something!
• Hygeia has an excellent blog post on this case
• Read about The Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2011
• Write your local representatives!!
• Know your breastfeeding rights

In My Diaper Bag: Lip Butter

I thought I'd start a new feature about what's in my diaper bag. Rather than wipes, diapers, or toys, I will feature something small for me that I keep in my diaper bag. Let's be honest, it's probably some sort of makeup.

I'm going start with something I found out about from my sister at Glitter and Vodka. She wrote a review of Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter and I was intruiged by what she wrote: "They are super moisturizing. I highly recommend if you are not a lipstick person, but still want some color on your lips." This is me. I barely wear lipstick, but I have issues with gloss being sticky and not providing enough color. I knew I had to try them.

I was at a pharmacy over the weekend and snagged a couple of colors: Candy Apple (reddish orange) and Raspberry Pie (bright pink). I was thrilled at how moist my lips stayed while wearing these and very surprised at how pigmented they are. The tube is cute too.

Candy Apple was more orange than I thought it would be and it will take me some getting used to. Raspberry Pie is a gorgeous fuschia that is surprisingly flattering on my yellow undertones. Both are great colors but not appropriate for every day. I went back and bought Sugar Plum and it fits the bill perfectly.Here's a swatch of the three colors on my wrist:

Top to Bottom: Raspberry Pie, Candy Apple, Sugar Plum

Long Story Short: Great for the price of about $7 per tube, widely available (CVS, Target, Walmart, Walgreens, Ulta), very moist, lots of color. Some of the shades are not for the faint of heart!

MG & Me

I am quite familiar with Mommy Guilt. She and I have known each other for quite some time now. Our relationship isn't constant, sometimes we're out of touch for weeks at a time. Then MG (we have nicknames for each other) shows up and turns my emotional well being on its head.

MG showed up last week. It had been a challenging few weeks at work and E was getting very upset every morning before I left. Naturally that made it harder to leave. I am pretty sure I cried every day on the way to work. I was really upset that I had to leave E. We are fortunate enough to have my grandmother living with us. E hangs out with his great grandma all day while D & I work. I'm not dropping him off to daycare, but it is still really hard. My biggest fear is that I will miss his firsts: first steps, first words, etc.

I tried to convince D to let me quit my job. I've tried this technique before when I have been upset about something similar. Obviously it hasn't worked since I'm still employed. Me being a stay at home mom is not an option. We have a mortgage, bills, and enjoy the lifestyle we live. It's not extravagant, but we're aren't living hand to mouth. It means that we can provide for E and ourselves. It also means that I really treasure the time we get to spend together as a family. We don't do much on weekends other than hang out together, except for the occasional girls night out or date night. And I'm very okay with that.

Work has gotten better and so has E. MG is out of my life again, but I'm sure I'll see her sooner than later. I don't know what will bring her by, but I'll be prepared for her. I'll tell her (and myself) that I'm doing what works best for my family. No amount of guilt, from anyone, can take that away from me.

Anyone want to share their experiences with MG?

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

This week's Breastfeeding Blog Hop topic is Sex and Breastfeeding.

A lactation consultant came to our house for a home visit when E was 2 weeks old. I was having a break down and was ready to give up nursing altogether. She was a great help with nursing and also left me with a surprising fact about nursing women: orgasm can trigger a letdown. The reason? Oxytocin. The same hormone that causes the letdown reflex is released during sex. I did not learn this in my birth class!

Can't wait to see what search engine terms lead people to this entry.

My libido was non-existent for a long time after E's birth. I was dealing with breastfeeding issues, a new baby, and no sleep. I would've rather taken a shower or a nap than get busy. I was also looking at my post pregnancy body and trying to figure it out. I'm not even going to go into the lochia (ick). I'm thankful I didn't have to deal with any tearing, stitches, or scarring from labor.

The first few weeks of breastfeeding after E was born were filled with nursing him, pumping my milk, and repeating all day. My breasts no longer seemed sexual. Heck, they didn't even seem to belong to me. They were functional and providing my baby with nourishment. A friend came up with the best term for how it felt: my breasts were no longer fun bags, they were feed bags. All the nursing and pumping left me feeling very touched out.

In what was supposed to a be a sweet gesture, my dear husband D bought me lingerie for my first Christmas as a mother. I might not have had the best reaction to it. I asked him what the hell was wrong with him? The last thing on my mind was sex, let alone actually putting some thought into what I was going to wear for sex! His response, "I wanted you to know that I still find you incredibly beautiful and that I love your body. We don't have to use this now. I'm ready whenever you are ready." Cue melting and me feeling like a jerk.

Things have gotten much better since then. We have a routine and sex is a part of it. E starts off in his crib and ends up in our bed so we need to take care of business efficiently. I have even bought some nursing lingerie!

D & I were lucky enough to spend the night away at a posh hotel while my parents were in town for the holidays. They watched E for the night while we got to reconnect. We ended up going away on the same day the lactation consultant had come to our home for a consultation. One year later, true to her word, I leaked on the bed.